That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Had to use Google translator to be able to tell the cleaning lady not to throw away the condoms we have strategically placed throughout the house.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
That's what you get for fucking someone nicknamed "wiggle worm"
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
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