a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
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