the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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