So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
like if someone fucked a dictionary but instead of having a penis, it was just one of those leap frog educational toys
I hope to god you are high
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
