And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Also I am throwing a blaZer over what I wore to bed and calling it an outfit.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
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