where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
Holy sore nipples Batman
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
