can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
