i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I feel if a girl leaves my house the next morning feeling degraded and in desparate need of a shower, then I have succeeded.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Found the puke drawer
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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