I want to have your abortion
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Randomize
