Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
