i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
