my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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