I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
at least the person I hooked up with donates to charity, the shirt I was wearing this morning was his relay for life shirt.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
Randomize
