I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
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