The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
do nipples grow back?
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
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