How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
I just watched 2 blind guys walk into each other head on in providence. It pays to pregame in your car.
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
how many lesbians have to have their hearts broken before they realise I am not that kind of DJ
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I just pulled a seven inch black hair out of my ass. Pretty sure that means we're dating now
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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