im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
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