That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
