So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I just want someone to shove bread from panera down my throat
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
