If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I'm both gender and math confused
Randomize
