I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Curing hangovers with more alcohol was a great idea for the first five days
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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