i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
It all started with a game of naked twister.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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