Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I love having hate sex.
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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