Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
laughing at 16 and pregnant while fucking w/o a condom....
i always knew you were classy
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
You made out with two different species that night
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
Randomize
