oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
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