Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
