Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
It's like the drive of shame on fucking Christmas. Happy birthday Jesus
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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