**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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