She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I think he's in need of mouth to penis resuscitation. Which I happen to be certified
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
IF I CAN STICK YOUR DICK IN MY MOUTH, I CAN STICK MY GUM ON YOUR NIGHTSTAND.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Randomize
