If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
barbara walters just said penis...
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
I was making out with him, and then his friend randomly took off my pants and started going down on me. My first semi-threesome was a success.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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