I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
That's okay I'm failing college because I'm to busy giving over the pant handjobs in class..
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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