Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Randomize
