Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
last day of my family cruise we all got trashed and had an award ceremony. I got the award for hooking up with a cougar. my grandma hugged me and said im living up to the legacy. this is why my familys better than yours
she just blew up the empty bag of wine and used it as a floatation device.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
I just got carded by a ten year old.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
