You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
