I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
he got kicked out of the bar for falling asleep on the mechanical bull.. then freaked on us cause we wouldnt go to the strip club with him
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
