its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
