yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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