i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Just sitting in the tub googling "how to remove sharpie from skin". You?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Randomize
