What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
Like seriously, I would not be going if there wasn't pizza
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Quick question, did I crash teeth with you when I snogged you, or did I headbutt something between the car and the bed last night?
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
Randomize
