The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
my poor anus
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
