You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
You've got the short couch unless you find some girl to take you home
Challenge accepted.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At my wifes high school reunion. Found out her nickname was 'Back Door Brooke'. EVERYONE is calling her that.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
