tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
Randomize
