I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
The beer is more important than you right now.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It was like getting head from an anaconda
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Randomize
