she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
Dude. No way. She insults the term butterface. She's a butternothing.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
So this tall girl jumped in our cab and I was like hey I have pics of u on my phone. It wasn't creepy at all
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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