are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Randomize
