watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Randomize
