I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
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