Dude i dont know how people can complain that waterboarding is such a bad thing. I just sat through a fucking puddle of mudd show. Now thats torture
Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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