dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I screamed "I want dick!" in the middle of the intersection. So many hot guys. I wish you were here.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
