Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Me. At least after what I've been through.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You're an independent woman who is defined by her own actions and not by whether or not you have a man. You also have great tits.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Randomize