I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Randomize
