Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
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