Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
We had to coat check the pizza.
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
we had a ceremony where you passed your fake id onto me in the middle of the bar. i was on my knees and you presented it to me. i don't think the bartenders were suspicious though
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
Randomize
