I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Randomize
