I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
her mom went out of her way to book us a room with separate beds... her level of gay denial is in beast mode
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
